Friendship develops slowly and serenely; it is a gift
from God. Friends treat each other with respect; they support each other,
helping one another to become more honest, more open, and more transparent
before God. The love in friendship is not a particular kind of feeling or
concern or action, but a special kind of relationship between two persons.
Within the bond of love, two individuals discover and realize both their
oneness and their freedom. The kind of love experienced in friendship is an
indispensable factor in personal growth towards full maturity. In friendship
encounter there is mutual trust, so that the friends feel free to relax and be
themselves. They are "at home" with one another, and their love frees
them from notions and anxieties, which may restrict or misdirect their
development. It frees each to pursue what is best.
ELEMENTS OF FRIENDSHIP
Joy. When good friends meet, especially if they have been
separated they share a special kind of happiness that can rightly be Joy. When some time, for identified as joy, enjoyment of each other's
presence. They laugh easily and frequently and they are willing to share
their joy with others, to enlarge their circle of friends. When they are unable
to share a significant occasion, they feel a lack of full enjoyment.
Communion. Sharing
life's more meaningful moments, its suffering and struggles, its triumphs and
elation, constitutes the bond of friendship. Friends develop a sense of
communion when they pursue a common interest, when they cooperate and share
responsibilities in a project, or when they simply play together. Their
interests need not be identical. After a long separation, friends who were once
very close may find that their friendship has changed. They can renew or rebuild
their friendship by establishing communion. Engaging in intimate conversation
is one way to do this. Close friends can express their- convictions, their
worries, their deepest questions, and their most secret experiences because
they trust one another. Communion requires attentiveness, openness, and gentle
sensitivity.
Freedom The work of love is creative, strengthening and
liberating the friends who love. When we are loved we are changed. Conversely,
we should expect these we love to have new strengths, new interests, and a keen
appetite to pursue those interests as a result of the love we have for them.
Love must be open to the other, encouraging the other's development. It must
also be ready for constant readjustment to the other's growth. They are
delighted to see each other and to relax in the Discovery is another gift of
creative love. Friends experience surprise and discovery as new aspect s of the
other's personality emerge. Such discovery is often a testimony to the
liberating effect of love. Encouraged by friendship, individuals are free to
develop their potential, to expand their world. Anxiety makes us uncertain and
afraid, but a good friend provides us with feelings of worth and trusts. When
we are anxious or discouraged, we are apt to lose faith in others, in our
environment, and in ourselves. We cannot open ourselves to new possibilities.
But when friends express faith in us, their acceptance frees us from some of
the crippling effects of an anxiety. Friends can acknowledge our wrong actions
without condemnation, continuing to have faith in us though they know us as we
are. Jesus showed that forgiveness is an essential part of friendship. To be a
friend means to offer our friends not only faith that affirms their freedom but
also forgiveness that releases them from a guilt that would inhibit their
actions. Thus an essential element in friendship is an increase of freedom
trough faith, forgiveness, and mutual sharing in an interpersonal world that
enlarges our own horizons.
Truth. Friends
may tell us that what intend to do is inconsistent with our best purpose and
character or that what we have done is wrong. Their voices are our second
conscience, and judgment based on an understanding of us and our situation that
is both objective and sympathetic. We are fortunate if we have friends to help
us make important decisions. A friend's judgment is, honestly rendered and
sympathetically expressed can free us from self-deception. Friends encourage us
not only to be true to ourselves and to each other but also to live that way
consistently and to meet social responsibilities. In particular, friendship
encourages us to transform this world into the kind of place in which the value
of friendship (love, freedom, and truth) will be honored. As our friends speak
to us in truth, they help us sense our identities as whole persons. And when we
speak the truth to our friends, we discover a truer vision of life and its
possibilities.
Sacrifice. To share in another's life, we must be willing to
sacrifice and suffer. Whenever we become involved with another person whose
identity and freedom are important for us to affirm, we must be prepared to
sacrifice self-assertion and selfishness. To respond to a friend's call, we
must sometimes say no, at least momentarily, to interests, plans, and
activities that to us. This surrender is not a loss but an expression of
freedom for the sake of our friends and our friendships. When we love, both joy
and suffering will be conditions of our relationship.
FRIENDSHIP
AND LONELINESS
Joy, communion, freedom, truth, sacrifice-these
characteristics constitute a skeleton of friendship. The relationships that
religious professionals develop are often service-oriented and functional
without ever becoming deeply personal. Yet it is only through deep personal. relationship that we come to know ourselves as we really are
and learn to deal honestly and maturely with our feelings. Friendship itself
can contribute to loneliness, however; friends can become too inclusive, too
possessive. And friends feel a sense of loss caused by period of separation.
Because of the physical aspects of their lives, celibates perhaps experience
more moments of loneliness than others do. If we know that this is part of
human condition, we know that loneliness must come; we must develop staying
power, a gentle endurance that will become the real virtue of fortitude. We can
turn loneliness into solitude when we accept it, learning to know ourselves as
we are. When this occurs, we are no longer afraid. We are happy to be alone. By
accepting loneliness we can more easily at the center of our being where God in
Trinity resides. Communion with God will develop and sustain us through the
years. Many times we cannot be with our friends physically. Although our work may
help to dispel loneliness, we need a deep personal prayer life in order to
develop in inner life that will prevent us from being distressed about being
alone. Through this inner life, we will be able to endure anguish and aridity
in an accepting way. Sometimes God permits us to experience loneliness in order
to draw us nearer to him or to make us more compassionate. Even if we take care
of our physical needs and reach out to others in friendship, we must still come
to grips with loneliness. At such time we have only God.
Reference:
Sr. Anna Polcino,
By Sentus Dikwe, sds.